Never Say Goodbye
by Karalena Cullen
Summary: WARNING:SLASH! There's a darkness inside him that wants to see Clark destroyed. Lex thinks the only way to save Clark is to say goodbye, but the darkness isn't satisfied and wants to see Clark hurt more.


Never Say Goodbye

BY: karacullen23

Rating: NC-17

DISCLAIMER:

I don't own any of these characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

WARNING: Slash, as in two men having sexual relations. If this isn't your cuppa' tea, don't read.

A/N: Inspired by the songs, "Stranger Inside" By: Shinedown and "Monster You Made" By: PopEvil. Okay so a few words about this fic. I have absolutely no shame in admitting that it's pretty much entirely smutt…with possibly a silo full of corn thrown into the mix. But in my defense, I have wanted to write my own story about why Lex wanted to marry Lana, and about how Clark should have reacted. It doesn't really follow the timeline of the show though, so keep that in mind.

Lex's POV

He's so fucking beautiful, it almost hurts to look at him. I can't even begin to describe the ache in my chest as I think about what I'm about to do. I keep trying to convince myself that it's for Clark, but part of me knows that there's more to it than that. I don't want to admit it to myself but what I feel is what I feel, and I can't help that.

The simple truth of the matter is that Clark is destined for big things in this world. He's so honest and good and…special. Where I stand is as a stained and jaded soul on the verge of complete insanity. I feel myself slipping away little by little, more and more each passing day. There's this stranger inside of me who's ripping me apart and devouring what little bit of good that's left of me. And the biggest part of me that still aches to fight against this darkness inside of me, is my love for Clark.

Not Clark. Please sweet Lord, spare Clark. I have to let him go. And Oh! I don't want to have to do it! But if he stays with me…this stranger will destroy him, and I would rather die first then let that happen. I can't bare the thought of it, the thought of Clark hurting, bleeding…dying.

Maybe if I keep him close, his love will hold the Stranger at bay. Go away and leave us both alone for the rest of our lives? Wishful thinking. Even in the sweetest moments, the moments when Clark is most vulnerable, sleeping peacefully and oblivious that the man beside him is losing a battle with the demon inside of him. Unaware that this Stranger is whispering wickedly, tempting me to hurt my angel.

One night the Stranger took a small piece of green meteor rock, the only thing on this entire planet that can hurt my angel. The Stranger crept silently from the shadows and stood over him while he slept. I clenched my fist tightly shut, the meteor rock cutting into my palm, but the Stranger was stronger then I and my fist opened and the meteor rock glowed green in my open palm held, trembling over Clark's innocent face. Clark's unconscious face tightened and contorted in pain, a strangled cry and a face wet with tears, and the Stranger delighted in this. Clark's body went rigid and jerked in agony and the Stranger laughed.

I managed to fight the Stranger off long enough to flee from the mansion, away from Clark, and I sped off towards the bridge. Our bridge, the bridge that brought us together that fateful day so long ago. The Stranger screamed as I threw the kryptonite with all of my might into the dark water below. I watched to make sure that the hateful rock sank and disappeared into the blackness.

My knuckles white gripping tight to the steering wheel. Cold sweat drips from my brow and my right foot trembles. I sit in my car, the engine running and my foot hovering indecisively over the accelerator. I could probably get my car up to at least 110mph by the time I reach the bridge. Then a quick jerk of the wheel and this time there would be no Clark here to pull me from the river. My heart pounds in my chest. I bite down on my bottom lip, step down on the gas, and turn the wheel in the direction of home. I could save Clark…If I weren't such a goddamned coward.

"Let's go to Greece. Mykonos is exceptionally beautiful this time of year."

Clark gapes at me like I'm the one who just landed on earth. "Sure Lex, let's go right this very minute because it's not like we have any responsibilities like work and school or anything like that." He quirks a sarcastic eyebrow.

My heart drops to the pit of my churning stomach. "Sarcasm doesn't suit you Clark."

Either the disappointed look on my face or the flat tone of my voice alerts Clark that he hurt me. He pulls me into his big, strong arms and squeezes tight. My face pressed flat against his broad, flannel chest, I breathe him in. "I'm sorry Lex, I thought you were just joking around."

"S'okay." I garble.

"We can go to Greece if it means that much. I've got spring break coming up next month." He takes in a trembling breath. "This would mean that I'd have to tell my parents…"

The image of Jonathon Kent and a 12 gauge shotgun comes to mind and I realize that maybe running away to Greece with a 17 year old may not be the best plan after all. Then the Stranger slithers up and hisses. There is an abundant supply of green meteor rock in Smallville, it would be no trouble to get my hands on another piece. I could force Clark to run away with me, somewhere where no one would ever think to find him. Now it's my turn to tremble. "Don't worry about it, Clark. Just forget I said anything."

"Clark, we need to talk."

"What's wrong?"

I gulp the lump in my throat. "I don't really know how to say this…" I wipe my sweaty palms down the side of my slacks and try to keep my voice steady, firm and believable.

His face pales and I notice the tell tale sign of stress in the clenching of his jaw. "Oh no, it's bad isn't it? Something's happened?"

"I…" I faulter, I really don't think I can go through with this. I love Clark, I don't want to do this. I don't know if I can imagine what my life would be like without Clark there to make it worth living. "I…think it's time that we moved on."

"Moved on…I don't understand?"

I wanted to do this as painlessly as possible, but the Stranger grabs me by my tongue and I am no longer in control of this conversation. "There's someone else Clark."

Blink.

"I've been seeing someone else and…I've decided I want to be with _her_."

"Her?" Disbelieving tears shine in the corner of his eyes. "Lex, what are you talking about?"

"I'm done with you Clark. It's time to move on." My voice is hard and cuts deep.

"Lex it just doesn't make any sense! It doesn't add up. You can't…I…I thought _we_ meant something…"

"You thought wrong."

The tears fall from his bright eyes with the shake of his head. "I love you! And I know you love me! I know it meant something, you can't fake that, Lex…you can't fake something like that, not even you."

You should have listened to your father Clark. He was right about me all along. I didn't want to believe it of myself, and I still don't want to believe it of myself. But no matter what I do, no matter how much I love you Clark, I will always end up hurting you. My heart splinters and breaks inside but the Stranger presses on. "Then I guess you don't know me at all Clark, I guess you never did."

"You're wrong Lex." His voice is a mixture of pain and anger.

"It's over, there's nothing more to discuss, there's nothing more I want from you. I'm done with you Clark." I turn my back on his pained face and leave him alone with his heartbreak.

"I'm sorry about your father Clark."

"Why did you come? Why do you care?"

I will always care. I will always love you Clark. My heart breaks to see him in so much pain. I wish I could make the hurt go away. My arms long to pull him to me and hold him close and never let go. "I wanted to pay my respects, that's all."

He doesn't say anything. He looks at me, his eyes reaching into my very soul, searching. I avert my gaze and he walks away.

3am and I'm staring blankly at the computer screen. I take another burning gulp of brandy and still cannot erase the bitter taste from my palate. The taste of guilt from betrayal.

Blue tinted memories play in my head. Clark's bright face laughing at some stupid, corny joke I told him, his face flushed in ecstasy when I made love to him. Oh God, I can still taste him, salty sweet on my tongue. And I can still hear the sound of his voice quiet, raspy panting my name and telling me he loves me.

I see the tears in his eyes when I told him he was unwanted that I never loved him, that it was all a lie. The shock and confusion when I handed him the wedding invitation.

"You're getting married?"

"Yes."

He shakes his head incredulously. "Why did it have to be Lana?"

Because that's what hurts you the most the Stranger cackles at the edges. "You can't help who you fall in love with, Clark."

His eyes are stormy, "Yeah…I guess I already knew that."

"I know we haven't really been close…"I choke on the word, "for some time now, but it would really mean a lot to Lana if you would come."

"You're just doing this to hurt me."

"Not everything's about you Clark."

"Have we heard back from Clark yet?"

"No."

She tries to hide the disappointment in her pale face. "I wonder why he hasn't responded?"

"I wouldn't take it personally. I'm sure he'd be there with bells on if it weren't for me."

"I don't understand what happened with you two. You used to be best friends and now you barely say boo to one another."

I shrug.

"Lex, our wedding is in less than three days. Please, go talk to him? For me?" She wraps her slender arms around my waist and her lips are warm and soft, but tasteless. It leaves me cold.

"What are you doing here, Lex?" He grabs a bale of hay in each hand and chucks them both onto a preexisting pile. His muscles ripple and bulge in his tanned arms. It's cool out tonight, the air is crisp with the smell of fall, but sweat beads on his upper lip and darkens the front of his dark t-shirt.

"Lana wanted me to talk to you." I choke out.

"What about?" He doesn't look at me. He keeps working.

"I think you already know the answer to that."

He wipes the sweat from his face and looks at me. "I'm not going, Lex."

"It would really break Lana's heart if you weren't there."

His hard eyes bore into me and then soften. "Don't ask me to do this, Lex."

The Stranger rears it's ugly head as he realizes how hard Clark's emotions are affecting me. "Why not?"

"You know why not!" His voice is incredulous, angry.

"Clark, you need to get over it. What happened between us in the past is over. It's dead, you have to let it go."

"I'm not going."

"What am I supposed to tell Lana? 

"Why not try the truth, Lex." He's angry again and his words are spit at me. "You do know what truth means, don't you Lex? Oh, wait, I'm sorry…I forgot who I was talking to."

"Don't do that." I whisper.

"Why the hell not? I learned it from you!."

I flinch at his words. He's silent and still, and then he says, "You really hurt me, Lex."

"I know."

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Yes Lex, Why? You could have just said goodbye. You could have just said goodbye and stayed out of my life, but instead you have done everything in your power to keep hurting me over and over again."

"Because I'm a coward Clark."

"What does that even mean?" He throws his hands up in frustration.

When I don't answer him he shakes his head and goes back to the bales of hay. He goes about his work like I'm not even here. I shove my hands in my slacks and turn to walk away.

"Even if I _wanted _to, I couldn't come Lex." I stop and turn to look at him. "I'm leaving to start school in Star City in less than two weeks. I have to make sure everything's taken care of here on the farm for my mom before I go."

He's leaving Smallville? I don't know why I never considered this. Panic surges through me. Isn't this what was supposed to happen? Isn't this what I wanted? Clark as far away from me as possible and safe? But oh God, I don't want him to go. "Alright Clark. I'll let Lana know."

I try to leave but my feet don't seem to want to move. My lips tremble wanting to kiss his plump, pink lips. My fingers thirst to touch him, just one last time…

"Lex?" Clark is watching me with a strange look on his face.

I blink myself back to reality. "Good luck at school, Clark." I manage to rasp out. These will probably be the last words I ever say to him and I feel as though something has just died inside of me.

He furrows his brow and stares at me in confusion. "Thanks."

It takes everything in me to will my feet to walk away and out the door.

The study is quiet, the bright rays of the sun fill the room and little particles dance around in the light. I'm standing in front of a huge, antique mirror. I can't focus on the reflection of myself in my wedding tux. Instead I watch transfixed by the languid dance of the particles in the sunbeam.

The door flies open and Clark stands in the doorway, his face flushed. His wild eyes dance beneath dark lashes. His plump, pink lips trembling, whisper my name. His fists clench at his sides and blue veins bulge beneath olive skin. His dark windblown hair falls over his eyes.

"Clark?"

Tense and silent he stands there, his chest heaving and I find that I am afraid. My heart pounds in my chest and my knees feel as though they can no longer support their weight. _Has he come to murder me? _I wonder.

"You can't do this Lex." He rasps out. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other. His jaw clenches and he marches towards me. I swallow hard but hold my ground. If he's going to hurt me who am I to stop him? There's not one thing he could ever do to hurt me as much as I've already hurt him. Don't I deserve it? He licks his lips and before I can blink his hand is at my throat squeezing and he slams me up against the wall. For one instant I think that this is the end and I go limp in his arms and close my eyes, ready and willing. Then his lips are on mine, his tongue hot and hungry in my mouth. His hard body presses tight into me forcing me painfully against the wall and I'm kissing him back, my own body hot and shivering with my intense need for him.

Instinctively my hands find themselves pulling at his shirt, aching to touch the bare flesh of his dimpled lower back. My head hazy, my cock swelling to an aching rock between us, tears fill my eyes. Sweet lord I've missed his touch, his mouth, his everything. My Clark. I need him so much and all I can do is keep kissing him as the sobs break free of me.

With one hand and a seemingly effortless flick of his wrist the crisp white shirt of my wedding tux falls to the floor in shreds. He pulls his own white t-shirt up over his head and flings it over his shoulder and our hot, naked flesh meets at last and he's kissing me again. My trembling fingers dig into his bulging biceps and I press myself tight into him. "I should have known all along." He pants, breathless between kisses. He thrusts his hips up and into me so hard that the back of my skull hits hard against the wall behind me. I don't even notice if there's any pain because his he grinds his hard cock into the side of my right hip and I moan with my need for him. His teeth bite into my neck and his soft lips suckle, his tongue swirls over the soreness there. I reach down to grab at his bulge trapped beneath thick denim.

He grabs my wrists tight, bruising and yanks them up over my head and holds them there. He looks at me, his face flushed, his eyes like burning embers. "I'm going to fuck you Lex Luthor." His words send crackles of electricity down my spine, and his voice is dangerous. "I'm going to fuck you so hard you won't be able to think of anything…or anyone but me everytime you sit down to the pain."

"Yesss." I hiss out. Mad hungry for the feel of him within me.

"You're MINE, Lex. Only mine, and you always will be."

"God, Clark…yes…please…YES."

Clark has always been an exceptional lover. No one before…or since has ever satisfied me in quite the same way that he can. But this…forcefulness, this…aggressiveness, I've never seen this side of him before. Right now, this very second with Clarks hot breath on my neck, his bruising hold on me, it both excites…and frightens me. And I've never wanted him more, than I do right now.

"I'm yours, always Clark, ALWAYS!"

He shifts his grip on my wrists from both hands to one, but the constraint is just as effective. I try to wriggle free but I can't even budge an inch from his grip. With his free hand he tears at my pants and they fall to the floor at our feet. I'm naked and trembling before him. My aching cock throbs between us, precome rushes to coat the swollen tip. And his burning palm engulfs me so suddenly and with such force that my knees tremble and I whimper at the feel of his tight fist wrapped firmly around my cock. He pumps once, twice and I already feel as though I could explode right here this instant, but then his hand is gone. I bite down on my lower lip in an attempt to prevent a cry from escaping my lips at the loss of his touch.

I want to cry, scream, beg for his touch again and I writhe against the wall trying to get closer. His hand slaps hard against my sensitized member and even though the pain is sharp the pleasure that follows in its wake has me panting. My head is swimming and it takes me a moment to refocus. His face softens for only a moment as he watches and gauges my reactions. "I can be whatever you need me to be, Lex." He whispers sweetly.

I open my mouth to tell him that he always has been everything to me, that all I ever needed and all I will ever need is him and him alone. But his hot mouth devours mine once more and once more he steals my breath away. In a dizzy instant I find myself thrown across the room. I stumble and cry out, but he catches me before I fall. He takes hold of my tender wrist again and pulls me with him. Quicker than my eyes can see, his free arm sweeps everything off of the desktop and its contents come crashing to the floor. He pushes me hard into the desk. He grabs me firmly by the back of my neck and forces my face down onto the cold desk top. My nose crunches painfully into the wood and I twist only slightly out of his dominating grasp to turn onto my cheek.

Bent over the desk, Clark knocks my legs apart and positions himself behind me. There's no gentle preparation, no time to catch my breath…there's only the blinding white burn as he impales me to the hilt. My cry catches in my throat as he tears back out only to thrust into me again, harder. I feel my hole tear to accommodate his massive member and I break out into a cold sweat. I bite down so hard on my lower lip that I bleed. The coppery taste of my own blood floods into my mouth and makes me dizzy. But the pain eases with each of Clark's thrusts into me. The hard sound of flesh slapping flesh rings in my ears and Clark slams into me again and again, his fingers digging painfully into my hip bones. And then the pain is gone, replaced by a sensations I've never quite experienced before. There's a heat thrumming through me as though the very blood in my veins has transformed into liquid heat. I feel like I'm floating away and at the same time I feel rooted to the very depths of the earth. The heat builds, my toes curl, my balls tighten and… "Oh God…Lex!" Clark cries and begins to tremble. One of his hands slaps down so forcefully onto the desk that it shatters and we both crash to the floor atop the splintered wood. But we somehow manage to stay connected and he pulls me up into his lap and continues to thrust into me.

I wrap my arms desperately around his sweat slick neck and grasp his damp locks tightly between my trembling fingers not wanting to let go. He thrusts up, his hands squeezing into my ass cheeks and as he thrusts my cock slides and smacks against his wet belly, his hard chest and I realize that his beautiful red face is a blur as tears well up into my eyes and spill down my face. The tight, aching heat builds and thrums through me far beyond the point of orgasm and sobs break free of me and I'm choking on so much…too much…and still not enough. And I'm begging, pleading, screaming for release. "Oh God, Clark, please…Oh Jesus Christ Clark! CLARK!"

Clarks mouth falls open as though to scream but no sound comes out. Sweat pours from his temples. His eyes squeeze shut and through my tear blurred vision it looks like steam is sizzling from beneath those wet lashes. And then he trembles so violently that my teeth chatter in my head and as he fills me with his hot come, my own orgasm finally breaks free and the warmth, the pain, the fire erupts from my pounding, aching cock and gushes between us and the last thing I see before my world goes dark, is Clarks sweaty, reddened face and his bright, wild eyes.

"There's a darkness in all of us Lex. The trick is to acknowledge it, accept it and finally…embrace it as part of who we are."

"What if I can't control it Clark? What if I get lost in the darkness?"

"Then I will always be here to bring you home."


End file.
